How To Cope When A Loved One Is In The Feds

Bid - A street term for a prison sentence 

Being locked up in the state vs in the feds is two different kind of things and experiences, I wanted to talk about the feds because it’s relevant to what I’m currently facing

I did a state bid with my first relationship and that shit was 10000 times worse I tell you. If I had to choose to deal with any it would definitely be the feds… lemme tell you why

Federal prison gives inmates access to WAY more. iPads, texting, FaceTime, way more time to contact loved ones with different methods as you see

But naaa it’s not cut up to what you think…

You might be saying to yourself, well that’s actually not bad at all and baby I guess it isn’t all that bad but only when you have the MONEY

Just like how every costs money in the outside world, same shit in the feds. They making sure they get their coins from people, you hear meee!

For example, to put money on your phone for incoming calls they charge you about $4 plus taxes (every time you add money) to send one text it’s 25 cents to sent one picture it’s another 25 cents, phone calls are easily like $10 a call… they literally charge fees and taxes for everything so when I tell you it ADDS UP AND QUICK mannnn

The most I spent on communication in ONE day was $130. Yes, I said that was just for one day so you do the math for a bid..

It’s been one month since my honey has been sitting and in total, we have both spent probably $2000 it’s fuckin sad and we know we have to do better we are just trying to get adjusted to this entire life change

I’m grateful we are doing well enough to be able to spend this kind of money on communication because every day would be much more difficult if we couldn’t speak often

I’d like to give you (and I) some pointers on how to get through a bid because this shit is hard to say the least… hopefully I take my own advice this time 😩😭

Get On A Damn Schedule 🗓

I know it’s sad and difficult to get adjusted in the beginning so give yourself maybe two weeks to handle things at your pace because you will need to work together to shake the sadness.. after that lil grace period for sadness it’s time to get on a schedule !

You get one free phone call and about 30 minutes of FaceTime for the week, talk to your partner and come up with a communication schedule

If you’re able to do this, use your free call in the morning to get a good start on both you and your partners day, text here and there throughout the day and then another call at night to recap your day

Or if you are anything like me and my honey you talk as much as possible, do your morning call, two in the afternoon and your late night calls with texting during the day. Helps feel like they are still close (just watch that money and please do not go above your means… it gets expensive)

Your baby will be under a lot of stress so help them get on a healthy schedule also.

A morning workout before our first call really helps my man get in a good space for the day. Working out is also a really great stress reliever for them not to mention a good look for when they return back home to you😋

Be On Point🪡

This pretty much correlates with the tip above. Once you’re on a schedule it will help you be more prepared for your upcoming calls

If you don’t already know, the FaceTime is SHITTY AF and it doesn’t alert you well when they are calling so you can easily miss the calls

When I tell you in the beginning my man would get pissed and yell at me because I ALWAYS missed his FaceTime and he thought I was ignoring him 😭🥴 chileee

I had to start planning his FaceTime, setting some kind of reminder on my phone so that when he called and it popped up for that quick second, I was on point and waiting

Speaking of on point, makes sure you are all set for your FaceTimes. If you’re anything like me, you gonna keep reminding that man why he wanna marry you.. get you some sex toys and other fun things keep them nearby so that when he calls your not only looking sexy for him but you can give that man a show.

Help him forget where he at and show him where he wanna be.

KEEP IT SPICY and show him everythinggg that’s waiting for him when he comes back (the nastier you are, the better)

Keep busy and productive✍🏽

Can’t stress how imperative this is to your peace more! Keeping busy and productive is super helpful for you and your partner because it will help make this time go by faster

Ever worked at a boring ass job that caused you to look at the time every 5 minutes and it felt like everyday was draggingggg?

Yea, this is basically the same thing

If there’s not much going on, it will just cause you to feel like time isn’t moving

Something that will help both you and your honey is getting some jobs, class courses or a trade that will keep you busy for a few hours a day at least

This is also a great look for your partner for a couple different reasons.

Not only can they learn new skills but it can also help them out in regards to their prison sentence .

In some cases people are released early when they are demonstrating good behavior.. wouldn’t you loveee that. Yea girl, encourage him to get a job lol

& Lastly, Keeping The Love ❤️

No matter how long a bid is, only the strong are built for it!

Above all, the biggest thing that will help you during this time is the reason you’re here in the first place…. LOVE

There is going to be some bullshit and drama here and there.. How you both handle it is what matters

When my boyfriend first went in I got all his phone and he gave me the codes because he didn’t want anything hidden. He wanted me to be secure and some don’t agree with that choice he made but I honestly feel like it’s one of the things that made our relationship stronger than ever before. We were having some trust issues before and this knocked them all away

It was the open trust for me.

And yea, sure I saw somethings that got me upset! For a few days it got a little rocky but thankfully it was NOTHING we couldn’t get past. No cheating or anything close to so regardless of how uncomfortable it made me feel, we talked we worked through it and he answered anything I wanted to know. When things got rough he started praying for us and has never stopped since.

Having that kind of open communication and passion to work it out will get you through anything. Today we trust each other more than we have ever trusted anyone else we have ever been involved with

On the good AND bad days we remind each other what we mean to one another. Take this time to learn your partners love language.

Dig deeper with one another. Express every single thing you love and appreciate about them. Take this time to fall in love all over again

If you both do the work, trust me you will! That way when you are back together you will be stronger than ever before

Let that love you have for each other be your anchor and don’t forget, you’re in it TOGETHER 🤞🏽


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